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The doll look promises sweetness, but the women who carry the label best in this corner of the directory deliver something drier. Their glamour is real, sultry and sometimes imperious, and it always comes with a raised eyebrow. Behind most of the polish there is a joke at somebody's expense, usually her own.

That tension gives the crowd its flavour. A Polish driver plays gloom for laughs. An aristocrat of her own invention runs Berlin like a private estate, and an Italian in Newcastle mixes love quotes with slapstick. Add a film obsessive who wants to beat the streaming giants at their own game and a blonde who mocks her own vanity, and the mood turns cheeky rather than sugary.

Blonde remains the house colour, and the busiest pages lean on it a shade harder: 57% of them are fair-haired, against 52% of the full roll. The real surprise is red. Though a small minority here, redheads draw a crowd. What thins out is the menu: fewer request books, fewer long video catalogues and fewer pages selling chat on its own. Our take is that readers here remember a temperament and a striking colour, and let the inventory sort itself out.

#1BlondieDoll FUN: The Deadpan Getaway Driver

Ryan Gosling in Drive is her chosen alter ego whenever she gets behind the wheel, and she loves her car with real devotion. She is Polish to the bone and moves between Warsaw and Berlin, with the odd London detour. Her humour runs pitch black. She treats existence as a sentence to be served, shrugs at the strangers who dislike her and offers a mock prayer with a perfectly straight face. Admirers court her like a grande dame, and she accepts it with the same cool amusement. Her flirting is sultry and sardonic in equal measure. She answers her OnlyFans messages personally, sarcasm included.

#2Carla de la Pata: The U-Bahn Aristocrat

Titled by her own decree and entirely unbothered about it, she treats Berlin as her estate and the U-Bahn as her carriage. Gym days are sacred, and leg day especially. Bone dry wit is hers. She gently skewers marathon bores and gives home mock addresses like Loser Town and The Bad Place. Her moods travel from soft to teasing to faintly cruel, and she saves the last for admirers who grasp devotion. When a big auction site kept rejecting her listings, she simply opened a salon of her own. She never raises her voice on Fansly, staying glamorous, unhurried and commanding, with poise instead of crudeness.

#3Elyinkofficial: Day-Tripper of Jesmond Dene

Sunny afternoons in Jesmond Dene are her idea of a good day, and when the weather holds she heads further out into Northumberland with her Pomeranian for company. Newcastle is home, though Italy never quite leaves her. Romance is her favourite subject and her favourite target: soppy quotes one moment, comic sketches the next. On OnlyFans she pairs that Italian warmth with a sultry, slightly theatrical streak.

#4daisy: Quizmaster With Nothing to Give Away

Netflix is the rival she has promised to outdo every month, and she means it with a grin. Her sense of fun is plain from guessing games on favourite films, where winners collect absolutely nothing. Art moves her deeply, and she keeps scolding herself for letting it slip down the list. Slumber parties with friends and a loud New Year's night round out a sociable, dreamy, playful character. Anime is never far away on her OnlyFans, which welcomes custom content requests.

#5Evie Small: Vanity as a Running Gag

For her, vanity is a comic routine: being this irresistible is a burden, she sighs, and somebody has to carry it. Her motto is "Fake it till you make it," said with a wink. That cheeky, glossy confidence fills her OnlyFans page too.